Future

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo fucked right now.
I just got rejected to UC Riverside, and from that I don't even think I need to check out my admission statuses for the other UC's I applied to. My backups were CSU Long Beach and San Diego State University, and I was rejected by both because I messed up on the application, and I was too late in revising it before the deadline.

I don't know what happened...
Actually, I do know what happened. I slacked off too much, and I put fun as my top priority. No one likes homework, but I hated it. Like fucking loathed it. I never did homework at home, rather in my classes like Mandarin class.

God, I just don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so disappointed in myself. I go through these phases almost every week. I slack off and I try to catch up on the last days. Every teacher that's had me said they knew I have the potential to get A's, and I saw that in me too, but I was just too darn fucking lazy. This has been going for 3 years straight (9th grade, I was serious about grades... 5 A's 1 C), and I think I've just become desensitized to the feeling of failure. Back then, when I got an F, I freaked. But now, when I get an F, I actually laugh it off, and don't feel even a tiny speck of disappointment.

I feel especially bad right now, because I knew I had the potential to get straight A's and even do beyond of what I was capable of doing.

I don't know what to tell my parents.. They'd dished out a ton of money for my education, and all I've brought to them is zilch.

I've never felt so bad in my whole entire life.

Words of wisdom/common sense: Do the work. Don't slack off. Think of your long-term future, instead of your short-term. There will always be times for fun; however, you only have one shot at education. Do well in high-school. If you mess up, there's no turning back. You're going to have to deal with it, and improve from thereon. But don't completely immerse yourself with work; find a way to balance work and social life. Just think. Think think think.